Part og male sculpture by Gustav Vigeland, Frognerparken, Oslo Norway.

Male sexuality, what’s wrong with it?

Reading newspapers, watching news on TV, or following social media, gives you the impression that men’s sexuality is mostly harmful to the world. Not only is it harmful for women of all ages, from puberty until they go with stick or walker. Men’s sexuality is referred to as dangerous and harmful also for toddlers and schoolchildren of both sexes, even dangerous to other men and to defenseless animals.

Dangerous beasts or a blessing to females and the world. (photo from 2chb.net)

Three earlier articles about sex.

Young men having problems with erection.

From time to time I have written about sex on this website. When I wrote about the growing problem of erectile dysfunction in young men, I wanted to appease many of those millions of guys going around with a somewhat too harsh expectation of their viral capacity in bed. Check: http://www.selvuniverset.com/2016/12/02/he-cant-get-it-up/

The fear among young men of being too small for her. (from Penis-Size23.)

Perspectives on female sexuality and liberation.

I have also written about female sexuality in a historical perspective. This was in connection with a certain form of sexual disinterest or frigidity in women related to the way men practice sex with them. By this I wanted to help those women to get a grip of their own bodily sensations before being prematurely defined as satisfying objects of male sexuality. I wanted to help these women to get started on their own way to a more positive body awareness.

By making the women learning to enjoy being inside their own bodies and exploring and experiencing more positive sensations around their pelvic regions. I wanted to increase their wellbeing. This I saw as a prerequisite for entering into satisfying relations with others. Check: http://www.selvuniverset.com/2018/01/16/fed-sex-just-way-done/

Woman, dressed and undressed (photo amateur 1815_243_287-dressed-and-undressed.)

Deviant and derailed sexuality .

I have even written about some forms and mechanisms of derailed sexuality where threats, violence, even murder occurs, and where children are abused. Here I also personally address the perpetrators to take notice of what I write, and to get help with their serious relational problems. I know these persons live very difficult lives, and the more they continue hurting others the deeper they sink mentally and psychologically, not to mention morally. Check: http://www.selvuniverset.com/2016/07/18/from-our-sexual-universe/

“Seduction and rape” ( illustration photo from unknown source)

The present status on men’s sexuality

Today I emphasize that men’s sexuality is largely expressed in a positive, lively, considerate, powerful, and nice way. From this perspective male sexuality is mostly a great enrichment for those persons he shares it with. It is even conceived a blessing for those women who want children.

Dominant or submissive, brutal or empathic, or both? (photo from “Heterosexual men naked”)

But why is so little written about male sexuality nowadays that supports this view. And why is the research on the good aspects of sex and manhood so meager? (In the 50’ies and 60’ies we had at least Alfred Kinsey’s comprehensive work*,  and Masters & Johnson’s** laboratory research on sexual responses.  *Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. Philadelphia Pa: W.B. Saunders: 1948, and **Masters, W.H.; Johnson, V.E. (1974). #The Pleasure Bond.# Toronto; New York: Bantam Books.)

Modern men as lovers and fathers do not only support their wives or children’s mother in upbringing their offspring. They take active part in the children’s life, change diapers, feed them, play with them, take them to the kindergarten,  and show affection to their women too. (illustration photo from unknown source)

Hard to get.

For several weeks I have been looking for articles or books that refer to research on positive male sexuality. But no matter what sexual orientation, I have difficulties in finding material to support the arguments in this article.

There are lots of articles and books that describe the man’s problems with his sexuality, his manhood and his relationships with women. And of course, there are those self-help books on what triggers a man sexually, and what women should not say to their sex partner, boyfriend or man. Likewise there are dozens of books and blogs telling him what he never must tell her, if he wants to avoid her to turn-off.

She seems happy that her husband still feels attracted to her, and he loves her still, even after 15 years of marriage.( pic. from open society, S&P.net)

– Two boys in a school class. The “pars pro toto” example of logical shortcoming.

The possibility that male sexuality is as good, enriching and versatile as female sexuality, is lacking documentation out there. Why? Imagine a class of 30 boys, where your son is one of them. 28 of the boys in this class are easy to handle and relate to by the teacher, they are nice to fellow students and dutiful when it comes to tasks and homework.

But there are two rather outgoing boys in the class. Those two are disturbing the teaching and create concerns among the parents, and often gives the teacher headache and the school’s principal deep concern. Nor do these boys accept the rules of the school, or tolerate boundaries, and often they harass the girls in the neighboring class.

Eventually the class gets a reputation for being quite problematic to manage. The local newspaper who has a nose for problems in the surrounding district writes an article about it that is less than flattering. Then the other boys who actually make up the majority in the class feel themselves undeservedly rated as negative too.

School class of boys in Western UK, where there is a kilt like tradition of school uniforms, as it is  in som places in Scotland. (illustration photo from Reuters)

 

Today, 7 billion 633 million people live on Earth.

 

 

As you read this, the population may have increased by hundreds of thousands, but that’s not the point here. Of these 7 billion, 633 million people like you and me are only 2 billion 725 million one hundred fifteen thousand men over 15 years. Of these men, around 6,5% worldwide are inclined to harass women and rape their sexual objects. These mere counts up to 177 million 132 thousand and 4 hundred and 75 men.

The 2 billion 725 million men distributed all over the world. ( I use Photo by NASA distributed by Stock, to illustrate)

 

 

 

Are there so many rapists?

 

“Oh my God”, “Allah, Allah”, you may think.  Are there so many cruel and dreadful men out there? Nevertheless, there are no more dreadful men in the class of men, than the two boys in your sons class who make trouble for the whole class of decent pupils.

 

 

The 6,5% statistics, is based on a rape term that includes having pressed, persuaded or forced anyone to be touched, masturbate, or being masturbated, having oral sex, sexual intercourse or anal sex. This definition of rape is a bit wider than the US * (Rape in the United States is defined as “Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex body or another person, without the consent of the victim. “

 

 

From a Scandinavian survey:

Women praised for their sexuality, men condemned for the same, or the matter passed by silence.

Being a successful man today you must combine and represent both traditional masculine and feminine values. (from Forskning.no)

– Fascination admiration or just recognition for being a sexual active man.

As for the man’s sexuality, there are plenty of those who admire and are fascinated  by  him, in an atmosphere almost like “the Beauty and the Beast”. They seem awestruck by his audacity, endurance, strength and power, without necessarily writing articles or going to the press with it.

 

 

Behind all the skepticism towards men and men’s sexuality in general, there is also a hidden positive respect for him in most women. Not only for his personality and his physical size, – being tall and dark, small and light, thick or thin, black, or white. Also for his apparently frightening penis, it’s both animal and human qualities, and not least it’s signaling of intense virility and strong desire for the partner.

Anatomical drawing of the man’s sexual organ, and the names and concepts of the different parts of it. Check similar mapping of female genitals on:  http://www.selvuniverset.com/2018/01/16/fed-sex-just-way-done/

 

 

 

I do not feel like going to the opposite trap and overestimate, cultivate and adore the masculine sexuality. I have shown examples in previous articles of this happening around the world. (http://www.selvuniverset.com/2016/12/02/he-cant-get-it-up/)

 

Male’s sexuality is as common, boring, exciting, creative and varied as any woman’s.

 

He may be more visual and maybe staring more at what he thinks is attractive than a woman would do. And while she may be perceived as more auditive wanting to be vocally  praised with love statements more than he manage to live up to, – these differences may also be partly cultural.( see also male sexuality in the same-sex love article:Dignity, respect and recognition.)

 

The common mature man, as nice and ordinary sexually as can be.

(Photo: Mature.net)

 

Evolution theorists will probably not agree with this. Here, the man will be perceived as genetic poly gamic while, in an evolutionary perspective, she is perceived as a mono gamic with primary goals to provide a safe home for the children. For him, it is apparent that he is spreading his genes to the greatest number of suitable women he is still scanning with his sharp eye.

 

 

This view is in my opinion obsolete in real life too, primarily here in the West, where changed socioeconomic terms make women more capable of managing themselves. Along with higher education among women and their sexual liberation since the 70’s, late child births, the differences between men and women in the sexual area,  have become increasingly less.

 

 

Nevertheless, the #MeToo campaign shows that inequality in power relations, and major differences in income and influence have been used by older men to gain sexual access to persons they otherwise would have no chance to have intimate relations to. And the conditions for women and war prisoners in war zones are terrible, mainly because of very bad war culture combined with intense stress on the soldiers and the massive use of drugs.

 

The loving, caring and sexy modern man.

But let’s return to the loving man this article is about. A man who loves his partner or wife, and respects her as an equal partner. He listens to her and what she likes. He tries to satisfy her sexually, the way she prefers and appreciates it. She does not need to fake orgasm. He most often knows how to evoke a reaction in her vulva, that ends with orgasmic culmination. If he is a bit clumsy or shy, however, she might help him on the way, like a benevolent eager teacher.

 

If they have children, he is also the loving dad who likes to be with the kids, playing with them, preparing them for kindergarten or school , doing homework with them, reading for them and singing evening prayers with them, if they are Christians.

 

He buys food in the store, tidy up in the house after study or work. He changes diapers on babies, powder their bums, fixes the car or bike when needed, he joins or follows his kids to their football training. He drinks beer with the guys at the pub, and shouts aloud when his football team scores in a football match.

 

Maybe he returns home a bit drunk, and puts himself in bed close to his woman with an erection. If she’s not ready for sex  just then, he respects that, and most probably dozes off  beside her. If not he might get out of bed again, not to disturb her.

 

Perhaps he wants intimacy and sex. But if she is too tired he accepts it. (Illustration from Stock photo)

 

Then perhaps he walks into the living room where no one is,  and venture to curb the urge for sex with a “handjob”, just to get relaxed and ready for sleep. I have to remind female readers that during REM sleep, every 90 minutes, the male get’s an automatic erection even without having a sexual dream. If he is rather pent-up and this reaction is very hard,  it can wake him up, making him restless.

 

 

Exercising his penis is a hobby men enjoy regularly, even if he has a satisfying sexual relation with his woman or partner. Doctors recommend it as healthy, and as long as it is done in private there’s no harm in it. (Photo is an illustration from NTC)

 

Quite normal and easygoing.

Most likely this man and father only walks out to the kitchen and grabs a chicken leg from the fridge, on his way to the bathroom.  Most likely he ends up in bed close to his lady and falls asleep quite happy with life.

 

During the week he often  takes a shower or bathes naked with his children. They feel safe together with their dad. Seeing him naked is no big deal for his children, and his little son understands that as big as his father he will also become when growing up. The girls are also used to daddy’s naked body, and they never feel it as a threat to their own body, rather on the contrary. They have also seen mother naked and know themselves that one day they also will have breasts like her.

 

Happy to be a man.

All in all I will say I am glad that I belong to the big class of men in the world today. I am also sometimes proud of myself as a sexual male. I like being a man and I like being inside my body.  I also feel happy for many of the changes in the roles of women and men that have occurred during the last forty years.

 

I am also glad that I can still do typical male  activities together with being a caring father and spouse. Sometimes I am even domestic cooking dinner and washing the dishes. No need to shout “hurray” for that any longer. That s how we men are nowadays!

 

I asked initially what’s wrong with men’s sexuality. What’s wrong with men’s sexuality, is it’s undeserved rumor and understated positive aspects.

 

Modern family life with active and domestic men. (Photo Hublife.com)

 

If you have read this article and have corresponding or other interesting views of men and male sexuality, please  write a comment. If the website’s comment space is difficult to open, tell me on:  janeriwaa@gmail.com, and I will fix it.