ENTRANCE

Why nudity trumps most.

If there is something that catches our attention and sharpens our eyes, then there’s nudity. It’s just as our eyes are almost unwillingly drawn to this all-natural phenomenon, which is usually wrapped up in clothes of all kinds.

Advertisers have known this since 1848, and artists, perhaps unknowingly, since the dawn of time. So I have reflected on this phenomenon not only from a psychological perspective, but also from my own experiences.

The following text is no deep article on this manifaceted issue. Nudity in art is vast field. For a good historical survey I can mention: “The Nude: A study of ideal form”, by Kenneth Clark. Psychologically the field is overwhelming, and has many aspects. It’s both complex and simple at the same time depending on your angling.

A noticeable break with the nudity of art.

Look at the picture below. Note that although she is very beautiful, and many of us would like to eat her up, this is not art! This, on the contrary is commercial sales technique.

For me art was boring.

When I was a kid, I had to go with my mother at art exhibitions and national galleries. I got very bored by these expeditions, and I had to negotiate with her to join. The deal was to get a little Dinky Toy or Corgi Toy car to entertain me while she looked at the art.

• I screamed: I don’t want to go there! (check painting below next paragraph, We norwegians know how to scream!)

I might aswell have gone to the kindergarten. The problem was I hated it, because my friends didn’t go there, and I had never been there on a daily basis. So I felt rather out of place. But with my “new deal” or bargain with my mum, I accepted the vernissages and openings of new exihibitions. Most often we went to the National Gallery in the City of our Capital (Nasjonalgalleriet, see photo below “The Scream” by Munch).

The granite stairs up to some of the gallery rooms felt so tall and heavy, and the staircase too long for a four year old boy. But with the new deal I could use the handrail as a steep road, and drive my Dinky Toys up this steep hill. Then I forgot that I was tired in my very young legs.

– What a big “pee-nis!”

In the beginning i did not notice much of the art there. And I certainly did not mind the nudes in the paintings and sculptures. (They looked like mother and father after a shower, and seemed very common) But once I stood under a giant Greek ancient horse, I asked my mother if it had so much pee in it that it had to have such a big “pee-nis”.

Look at the two paintings below. At the time when famous Edvard Munch painted his nude pictures, there were only boys an men allowed to bathe or swin naked.

She removed all her clothes for me.

After two years and many Dinky Toys later, I suddenly started to take a glance at the paintings and art itself. In the meantime an older girl in our neighborhood had to my great satisfaction shown me all her naked secrets. Like “The birth of Venus” by Botticelli, it was an awakening for me when it comes to female beauty. But unlike the shy and restrained Venus by Botticelli, my little Venus girlfriend removed every veil from her body.

What about “Venus de Milo” below? In a modern perspective as she appears without arms, does she convey the cultural reduction of female power and ability? One might just wonder.

What about the painting below by Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres , – the woman on the coach? Isn’t she rather shy and careful with not showing too much of her private parts?

Now shyness seems to have disappeared.

My little girlfriend mentioned above, was much younger than this one on the picture below. But time has changed and nowadays we need to be very careful not to expose children naked on the internet. This is so even if my story is rather innocent and goes back to when I was six years old and she was nine.

In many ways we belong in the West to the shameless era. This is both good and not so good! Our audacity can make us very vulnerable, and be used for purposes we did not consider when we posted a nude photo on the net.

Accepting our natural interest for nudity.

On the other hand we have no reason to be ashamed of our naked bodies. In some so called primitive cultures there are still people walking about as they were born, – without clothes. I mean, we do not need to be ashamed or feel guilt any longer, if we like nudity and nakedness. At least when it does not involve looking at children with the intention of using them as objects of our sexual preferences.

However, I think the shame nowadays very often is covered by defiance. That in reality we haven’t gotten rid of the shame attached to nudity altogether. Perhaps we just deny it with the same counterforce that in earlier days held us back. Or we feel it ever so strongly, because we don’t experience that our bodies matches our notion of the ideal body.

Mother and father as the prototypes of our body interest.

There is something very natural about nakedness and nudity. Not only are we all born naked. We also rely totally on the body and mind of our mothers, and in some way also our fathers. As for our mother, we feel as infants her skin against our own skin, smell her breast and suck on her nipples for nourishment. Her body is literally crucial to our survival.

• Naked skin and bodily power, beauty and satisaction.

Basically in our own psychological universe, naked skin will normally represent joy, satisfaction, safety and yes, be associated with beauty. We also cling to daddy and notice that he holds around us differently. His skin also smells different from mother’s. Perhaps he has some strange hair in his face, and if we see him naked we will also observe a difference. But beyond all, at the beginning of our lives, mother and father are the image of power, beauty and love.

Now you may think that your parents are old and do not look very attractive to you! That maybe as it is! But remember when you was born they were young and probably very attractive in their youth.

The next picture is of Venus from Willendorf . She was a symbol of beauty and fertility about 24.000 to 22.000 years BCE. Today she would have been sent to a surgeon and put on a strict diet.

The ambiguety of prominent art

The piece of art by Charles Ray in the picture below, is very ambiguous. There is something totally wrong with it. But unlike the ambiguety in the photo of the naked woman on the yellow car, this doubleness, or equivocal quality, is it’s strength! I mean it can make us think and wonder, even if it immediately makes us sick.

What about Henry Moore and his female sculptures?

On the front page of this article we have a picture of one of the many female sculptures made by the famous modernist Henry Moore. Why is this artist, we may ask, so occupied with these reclining stone or bronze statues in his productions? ( Check also his bronze sculpture of a woman in the first paragraph.)

The saying goes that his mother had rheumatism or constant pain in her back. This condition made the very young boy Henry, help her with massaging her painful body. We can just imagine that his mother’s body seemed huge compared to his small hands and body. Is this the subconscious reason for his later massive and huge motherlike sculptures?

Curiosity and excitement.

A naked body as you can see in all the pictures above, has lines, arches and curves that create an aesthetic effect. In addition, it has pits and cavities that seem to create curiosity and excitement.

When “David” moved from Florence to Houston, Texas.

When Michelangelo was 30 years old he sculptured David below. David was as far as I know not made in Florence, but he was moved to Florence later, and here he has been standing stark naked ever since. I don’t know really if that still is true. I have not been to Florence recently. According to the next photo of him, however, it seems that he has moved to America!

And what happened to David after one and a half year in Houston, Texas? Did he eat too much fastfood, Hamburgers and Pizza, using the car much more than his legs?…. I think the artist that made this big replica, most likely by photo manipulation,(I don’t know) – he too makes us reflect. Or what do you think?

See me, like me, desire me, want me, love me!

Today there is a beauty and handsome terror in the world! There is a hard competition for being seen, liked and idealized! Who has the perfect “summer body” is an issue not only for teens, but also for their parents.

Fitness centers all over the world make billions of dollars in our hunt for the perfect body. So does also cosmetic surgeons or beauty clinics giving botox treatment and restylane to even good looking people. During the last fifteen years even boys and men have been subjected to severe body pressure.

The photo above is one of the more artistic portraits of this hunt for body perfection as the present ” see and be seen” phenomenon. Look at the many eyes that look at the person in front of the mirror. There is the photographer in the mirror, there is the young man looking at himself in his selfie camera, and there is you and me, looking at all this. Are there even still more eyes watching?

Have we become like show puppets or mannequins?

I will let the work of the artist Charles Ray, with his male puppet talk for itself.

Mature nudity that does not fit into the present ideal:

The mature woman in the painting below by Lucian Freud does not seem to be ridden by too much pressure to fit into the present slim body ideal. Neither does “her husband” underneath. I’ve seen these paintings live at The Fearnley Astrup Museum of modern Art in Oslo, at a special exhibition. They seem brutally real and are wonderfully painted!

Art is supposed to ask the spectator open questions, not to give answers.

What does the art photographer below want to express with his naked classroom? There are many possibilities, can you find a reasonable argument to call this photo,- art?

And what is this sculpture below by Moore supposed to express? How the weakened human being must protect himself with a shield? There’s maybe no answers to this, even if we could ask Moore himself about it. Very often artists work subconsciously with the issues they convey to the public, and are not aware themselves what the meaning really is. If there ever where one right answer to the meaning of a piece of art, as for the meaning of life on earth itself.

And he created us without clothes, even if it seems that Michelangelo meant our holy “Father” had clothes on himself, when he did it.

Back to the Past in the Future.

What happened to me when I many years later returned to the “Nasjonalgalleriet” at highschool, without having been there since my mother died? (You see, mother and I, and sometimes father, had four and a half year together at all kinds of old and new galleries, when she suddenly died at home of aneurism, on a foggy wednesday in February.)

Our teacher took us on a guided tour through the many halls of paintings in that very gallery. And the professor and conservator at the establishment started to ask my class about the paintings and what the conveyed, and were meant to tell the audience. Then something very strange and almost embarrassing happened.

I started to name the paintings, tell everyone who had painted them and what was the intention behind it. I was extremely commited, almost unstoppable and had the same intonation and tone of voice that the old male conservator from my childhood had.

My classmates looked at me with astonishment, it seemed they did not believe their ears and eyes, seeing my standing there in front, pointing at the paintings and waving with my arms. Usually I was a very outgoing boy with interests mostly for cars, boats, airplanes, rockets, James Bond and Bach. Fortunately it was silently accepted that I played the piano, but this…..

Well, end of story was that I was asked both by the conservator and applauded by my teacher, to write an essay on the theme: “A young person’s introduction to the world of arts.” That was absolutely not my plan. But I did it!

If I am allowed to give a piece of advice on this matter: Go to one or two galleries or exhibitions nearby, and open your eyes. Reflect on what the art makes you feel and think. Take your children there when they are small. It widens their horizon and makes them more imaginative in life.

When i Was 16 years old I started to paint myself. Took some courses in drawing and painting, and improved my economy as a student selling big modern paintings. I put much weight on a good composition of form and color, and a neo-classical abstraction from reality. Paradoxically, I have never painted or drawn naked people. Perhaps you will try to do it?

Where does painter Sylvia Sleigh fit in when it comes to nudism in art?

When we talk about nudity in painting, we cannot leave out Sylvia Sleigh. For a long time she was not fully recognized by art critics. She was perceived by women in particular, as a feminist artist who had naked people, mostly men and women as her main motives. She seems very realistic in her style, and in her paintings the characters looks very relaxed and easy going. I leave it up to you to judge if she has something interesting to say to you about the people she portrays.

EXIT

Now we end this little round in one of the many rooms in the “museum and gallery of Nudity in Art.” I thank you for joining me on parts of it, or even some of you, – the whole trip!

As we started with sculptor Henry Moore, we will end this shortcut to nudity in art and life, with one more Moore:

Different forms of communication.

There are many forms of communication in different contexts. We all recognize the political, rhetorical conversation, where the participants highlight contradictions rather than similarities, and very rarely come closer to one another after a discussion. The exchange of words may partly remind of a dialogue, but in principle it is not about understanding and recognizing the other, as the other is perceived as an opponent to be fought with arguments.

We also recognize the party speeches where communication is largely one-way. These speeches, however are mostly good-willed and humoristic, but there is usually no intention of dialogue between speakers and listeners.

Then we also have the unidirectional injunctional communication, where the teacher or headmaster instructs his or her pupils to adopt a certain type of attitude and behavior at the school, while at the same time respecting the school’s current ban, which if broken, results in expulsion.

Private communication with someone close to you, – “close-communication”.

This small article, on the other hand, is about oral communication face to face between people who are close to each other. They may be spouses, cohabitants, sweethearts and close friends. Here both parties in the relationship will eventually benefit from a special form of close-communication.

– Our first experience with communication, – the non-verbal dialogue.

Successfull communication: Some of you have read the page “Psychology” where I describe the infant researchers’ discovery of the child’s speechless and so-called pre-verbal dialogue with the mother.(See: http://www.selvuniverset. com/prices/) Then it is also easier to understand that a basic principle of this dialogue is to communicate one at a time, ie in turn.

At the same time, it is important for breaks, where the mother stops while the child gesticulates and babbles away without concepts, in response to the mother’s verbal dialogue. And when the child finishes and leans back a little, that she then responds to the child’s intentions and attempts at communication.

Unsuccesfull communication: On video, we can see how some mothers do not allow the child to receive and respond to her message. Instead, she keeps on talking without stop, so the child becomes overwhelmed, and has to turn away from her.

Fortunately, we see most of the good interaction beetween mother and child on these videos. These are so called sequences of close-communication, where both mother and child have a kind of dialogic and rhythmic dance back and forth between each other. Here both babbling, talk and body language signals joy and satisfaction with the communication.

Bad communication: Unfortunately, there are other mothers, who seem distant and do not respond to the child’s invitation to dialogue. The child then typically leans forward, folds his or her hands together in an effort to get attention, or makes loud noises. In some cases, this is enough to get the mother back on the field.

In other cases, this does’nt help. The child becomes uneasy, twists, or falls forward in the high chair in the hope of being welcomed. Or she even throws herself backwards while screaming loudly and whining. All this in an effort to get in touch and communicate, while mum may be most concerned about her cellphone. ( Look at this video illustration, where mother both manages the good dialogue and cuts it outm on request of the researcer Dr. E.Tronick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0 )

All of these combined early experiences form the basis for the way we communicate later. They become a kind of underlying unconscious template of how we behave in a dialogue or conversation situation with a close person. (see also): http://www.selvuniverset.com/2016/07/25/how-do-i-become-me/

If we have positive base experiences, it is easier to solve problems through conversation and negotiation than if we have been overrun or neglected in this early conversation I refer to above.

Beginnining to change this, we will look at five important steps in all good communication.

1. Listening without going in defense.

2. Capturing the emotions behind the message. (read body language and face expression)

3. To put oneself in the other’s place,

4. Recognizing the other person’s right to perceive, feel, and think the way she or he does, when responding or talking to them.

5. To give room for thought breaks.

Is it dangerous to have problems in a relationship?

There are hardly any relationships between people, where there are no conflicts. The problem is not that problems arise in a relationship, when interests collide, or misunderstandings and disappointments create frustration. That’s almost inevitable!

The problem is that the couple often do not have sufficient communicational tools to solve the problems that arise. But are there any such tools available one might ask? Many specialists on communication probably think so. I’m not sure how effective these methods are. Those who are particularly interested try go to check the internet for literature, research and suggestions.

Among family and couples therapists who work directly with families and couples over time, however, the experience has given cause for optimism. I myself have worked extensively with couples and families. In all these cases, one or two additional professionals are present in addition to the couple and the family who feel trapped in an unfortunate pattern of communication. This adds new positive energy and optimism to the relationship, as well as knowledge of problem solving that the couple and families lack.

Then the question remains whether my readers at Psychological Universe can become any wiser by following some simple pieces of advice regarding how to communicate. That means being able to start a better way of talking to people that are close to them, without going into couples therapy.

Important preparations.

Do not throw yourself into good communication with your girlfriend-boyfriend, partner, spouse or friend right away. Continue for a while as you usually do, but observe a little more about what you do when talking. Not least, observe what reactions this creates in him or her, and with you when it strikes back at you in the next turn.     

To start with ourselves

• Listening Out:

This exercise involves spending five minutes on a bench outside, or chair indoors, or standing, possibly walking in the park or out in nature. Your task now is just to listen, preferably with your eyes closed, to what you hear around you.

Is there a bird nearby, a dog barking, car honking, tram or bus passing by? Do you hear it whistling in the tree tops, or rippling in the water from the stream? Do you hear the baby crying? What about the plane flying high up there? Is there a propeller or jet flying over your head? Or sounds from the kitchen, the floor squeaking above you? All that you record you must clearly notice and recognize. Even noise. And not least congratulate yourself on having managed to put aside 5 minutes of your otherwise so important time for this.

• Listening in:

Then spend three minutes in a quiet room, perhaps after bedtime, listening in: Do you hear your breath, the heart beating far in, a faint whisper in your ears? What else do you know about your body? Is it tingling anywhere, sore or painful? Do you know your feet right down there. Are they hot or cold? Are you sitting well or uncomfortable? What do you really feel when you sit here alone? Are you impatient now, tired of listening and knowing?

Notice everything you feel and think. And finish the exercise with a pat on the shoulder; and a “good job”!

The general rehearsal.

First Step:

Without saying anything to anyone, try to do the same to a person close to you. It could be your child, boyfriend, friend or girlfriend, etc. Try to open yourself to what she or he is saying. Listen as best you can, without thinking that you need to defend yourself if what is said concerns you.

Try to see and experience what is said as if you felt it yourself. If you are expected to answer, you will first nod and maybe just say; – I think I understand, or “agree”. If you get blamed then just say something like, “That wasn’t very good for you.” Or, “I shouldn’t have said or done that.” If this becomes too difficult for you, just say what you usually do, and check the response.

Second step:

Talk to the person you want to have a conversation with. Find a place where you can sit quietly, for yourself and talk about important things. Say, if it’s your closest friend, sweetheart or spouse, that you’ve been thinking it’s important to have quality time together. Some place where you set aside a few minutes just to listen to each other, hearing about how the other is doing, what she or he thinks and feels . If there are any conflicts to sort in and sole. Find a time when you are not in the middle of a fierce argument. Then it is usually impossible to listen to each other.

Feel free to tell the other that you have read a bit about improving communication between people. Now you would like to try if it really helps the conversation to follow some simple rules. If you think the other person is interested in reading this before starting the conversation, then just recommend it! If not take the initiative to follow the rules yourself.

What do you do then?

• Examples of poor communication:

Lisa: – Michael you are too hard on the kids. Don’t you see that they get tired of it? It pollutes the good atmosphere here, when you come home from work and jstart nagging angry at them.

Michael: My God, you say this all the time, but somebody has to take responsibility and set boundaries for them here at home. You never bother to confront them or enforce rules. You just want the cuddle and be the kind mom who lets them get everything they want.

Lisa: My gosh, now you’re unfair, …the fuck so hurtful. Here I do the house and homework with them, cook, wash their clothes, when I come home from work. Tryingaltogether to create a nice home. You never mention that! “Just cuddle with them”, you call it! Stay a little more at home, and you’ll see all that needs to be done.

Michael: I don’t bother discussing with you anymore! You can’t take a single critical remark. I’m going out! (leaves the house a bang)

Example of constructive communication, when Marius has read some of this:

Lisa as last time: – Michael you are too hard on the kids. Don’t you see that they get tired of it? It pollutes the good atmosphere here, when you come home from work and jstart nagging angry at them.

Michael listens to Lisa, he tries to know what she feels without defending herself. He pauses and breathes to calm himself down.

He sits down in a kitchen chair and says: “I’m really sorry! So you do feel I’m too strict and angry when I get home?”

Lisa (a little surprised): Yeah,absolutely Michael! Sometimes they dread before you return home.

Michael shakes his head thoughtfully and bites his lower lip: -That’s no good if I really have that effect on them. He asks Lisa. – Do you also worry before my returning home?

Lisa: – Not always, she says a little gentler in her voice.

– I’m sorry it has become that way, Michael says. – We have to find a way to solve this. Can we have a real chat together tonight or tomorrow night, when the kids have gone to bed?

Lisa lights up: Yes, dear, there is nothing more I want. It’s been so long since we last took the time to sit down together. And, I know I’m not perfect either, I want you to know. But I want the kids to look forward for you coming home in the evening. They know you have a long journey, and I have said that Dad is tired after a long day. So it’s not that I haven’t taken you in defense, but….

Michael nods and smiles gently before answering: “It’s good to know, I appreciate that, and I’ll try to sharpen up so my temper doesn’t ruin the good atmosphere I realize you’re trying to create here at home.”

Lisa also smiles at Michael:. – Come on let’s eat, thank you for understanding what I meant!

Here Michael is succeeding in the way he answers Lisa this time.

1. He manages to listen without going in defense.

2. He grabs the feelings Lisa carries in the situation.

3. He does this by putting himself in her place.

4. He acknowledges what she says by responding that he realizes that it must be terrible to Lisa and the children that he reacts with acidity and anger when he gets home.

5. He starts the conversation by taking a short break while taking in what Lisa says. All in all, this reduces the level of conflict fairly quickly, and the two get into a good conversation.

Following up the conversation.

The next night they manage to organize the work at home so effectively that when the children are in bed, they can sit down and take the next step in their dialogue. Let’s imagine that they agree to put away their cell phones for fortyfive minutes, and that their conversation is something like this:

Lisa: I’ve been thinking about what we talked about yesterday. (calmly, without accusation in voice). Even if you understood what I meant, I’m still afraid we will end up in the same ditch when it comes to your reaction to the kids.

( Michael listens with an open mind) He says: Continue Lisa!

Lisa: How are we going to solve this in the future, Michael?

(Michael takes his time thinking, while Lisa leans back with folded arms.)

Michael: I think if you just try to be a little more strict, like tonight, then I don’t need to be double in strictness. Because this night you said to the kids, “No go to bed at once, I mean it!” They didn’t even bother getting up from the couch with their iPads after you telling them, but just kept going. Then you said with a stern voice, “Come on, no more nonsense!” They just glared at you as a stranger, and looked up at me. I just smiled and nodded. Finally, you had to pull them up from the couch, take away the iPads and push them into the bathroom. I didn’t believe my own eyes.

Afterwards, I followed them up to their room and read a fairytale for them. Julius gave me a hug and Sara took my hand and stroked it on her cheek.

Lisa: Is that really true? It was good to hear! I know they have a lot of respect for you and look up to you, but tonight they also showed love for you. (Michael nods contentedly and announces that he has discovered a new side in him).

Michael: I’ve borrowed an old book from Line at work. Line, who is our communications director, is a trained psychologist and suggested an old curriculum book called: “The Family; – coercion and opportunity.” (Schibbye. 1988) When she heard that I was struggling with child rearing at home, she admitted that she had also struggled with her relationship with John. Then she brushed dust off this book and used some chapters there as a kind of close-communication guide.

Michael continues: One of the most important things I have come up with through this reading, is that we both create the conditions for how the other responds. And this in turn creates the conditions for the next round of dialogue. If no one opens and listens, and recognizes the other, then the dialogue will stop in two opposites, or counter poles (.see picture below)

Michael: In that way it will not move towards any solution. (Lisa concentrates and listens interested)

Michael continues: Then I think, – towards the children I may have been strict for two, both for you and me, somehow.

Lisa sits thinking carefully: “And I may have been forgiving and gentle for two.” Perhaps that is what has happened gradually in the relationship with our children? (Lisa stumbles, and doesn’t quite know if she can believe this conclusion.)

Summary.

Let’s leave Lisa and Michael here hoping that they will have some basic knowledge and experience when it comes to close- communication. It is not at all easy to keep on going in the right direction and continue the good dialogue, although it seems that they got it this time.

In some cases with couples, the frustration has accumulated over time that there is a lot of anger and disappointment in each of the parties. Then it may be necessary to go for a therapist who can steer the communication back on track, by venting this frustration with them.

In a few cases, the relationship has unfortunately died down, as it is called, and the spark between the two completely disappeared. Then the task of the therapist is to get them to separate teams in the best possible way. This by understanding how it derailed and why the relationship broke. This is important so that they do not repeat the same dysfunctional communication pattern with the next partner they meet.

NB! (Listen to Danish” Buran G’s” wonderful and popular song about a relationship that broke down, when she could’t accept him anymore, in spite of his own wishes and constant longing for her. Here with Medina as a co singer. The title is “Mest Ondt”, which means, “Most hurtful” .’shttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Unuc_uMZXu4

The ABC of close -communication, – some memory rules.

A. Be open and listening.

B. Accept and acknowledge the other’s feelings and thoughts.

C. Be clear, and try not to be angry when you speak.

D. Be specific, ie show to events by clear examples of what has upset or disappointed you.

E. When you have talked about past events, and resolved them, put this behind you! Don’t rip it up time and time again when you later disagree.

F. Then start from what is happening now.

G. Take time to let the other person say what is on their heart. And take small breaks to receive the message and think before answering.

H. Last but not least, think that there is something in each of you that has brought you together and most profoundly wants to transcend one another into a greater we!

Sources of inspiration: C. Rogers, M. Bowen, S. Minuchin, L. Wynne, V. Satir, D. Stern. J. Benjamin, and first and foremost my teacher, A.-L.L. Schibbye, as well as my own experiences with students, couples and families.

NB! This extensive topic, which we have only touched upon so far, will be followed up in later articles this fall.