Article

The sexuality of men, – unspoken aspects.

Part og male sculpture by Gustav Vigeland, Frognerparken, Oslo Norway.

Male sexuality, what’s wrong with it?

Reading newspapers, watching news on TV, or following social media, gives you the impression that men’s sexuality is mostly harmful to the world. Not only is it harmful for women of all ages, from puberty until they go with stick or walker. Men’s sexuality is referred to as dangerous and harmful also for toddlers and schoolchildren of both sexes, even dangerous to other men and to defenseless animals.

Dangerous beasts or a blessing to females and the world. (photo from 2chb.net)

Three earlier articles about sex.

Young men having problems with erection.

From time to time I have written about sex on this website. When I wrote about the growing problem of erectile dysfunction in young men, I wanted to appease many of those millions of guys going around with a somewhat too harsh expectation of their viral capacity in bed. Check: http://www.selvuniverset.com/2016/12/02/he-cant-get-it-up/

The fear among young men of being too small for her. (from Penis-Size23.)

Perspectives on female sexuality and liberation.

I have also written about female sexuality in a historical perspective. This was in connection with a certain form of sexual disinterest or frigidity in women related to the way men practice sex with them. By this I wanted to help those women to get a grip of their own bodily sensations before being prematurely defined as satisfying objects of male sexuality. I wanted to help these women to get started on their own way to a more positive body awareness.

By making the women learning to enjoy being inside their own bodies and exploring and experiencing more positive sensations around their pelvic regions. I wanted to increase their wellbeing. This I saw as a prerequisite for entering into satisfying relations with others. Check: http://www.selvuniverset.com/2018/01/16/fed-sex-just-way-done/

Woman, dressed and undressed (photo amateur 1815_243_287-dressed-and-undressed.)

Deviant and derailed sexuality .

I have even written about some forms and mechanisms of derailed sexuality where threats, violence, even murder occurs, and where children are abused. Here I also personally address the perpetrators to take notice of what I write, and to get help with their serious relational problems. I know these persons live very difficult lives, and the more they continue hurting others the deeper they sink mentally and psychologically, not to mention morally. Check: http://www.selvuniverset.com/2016/07/18/from-our-sexual-universe/

“Seduction and rape” ( illustration photo from unknown source)

The present status on men’s sexuality

Today I emphasize that men’s sexuality is largely expressed in a positive, lively, considerate, powerful, and nice way. From this perspective male sexuality is mostly a great enrichment for those persons he shares it with. It is even conceived a blessing for those women who want children.

Dominant or submissive, brutal or empathic, or both? (photo from “Heterosexual men naked”)

But why is so little written about male sexuality nowadays that supports this view. And why is the research on the good aspects of sex and manhood so meager? (In the 50’ies and 60’ies we had at least Alfred Kinsey’s comprehensive work*,  and Masters & Johnson’s** laboratory research on sexual responses.  *Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. Philadelphia Pa: W.B. Saunders: 1948, and **Masters, W.H.; Johnson, V.E. (1974). #The Pleasure Bond.# Toronto; New York: Bantam Books.)

Modern men as lovers and fathers do not only support their wives or children’s mother in upbringing their offspring. They take active part in the children’s life, change diapers, feed them, play with them, take them to the kindergarten,  and show affection to their women too. (illustration photo from unknown source)

Hard to get.

For several weeks I have been looking for articles or books that refer to research on positive male sexuality. But no matter what sexual orientation, I have difficulties in finding material to support the arguments in this article.

There are lots of articles and books that describe the man’s problems with his sexuality, his manhood and his relationships with women. And of course, there are those self-help books on what triggers a man sexually, and what women should not say to their sex partner, boyfriend or man. Likewise there are dozens of books and blogs telling him what he never must tell her, if he wants to avoid her to turn-off.

She seems happy that her husband still feels attracted to her, and he loves her still, even after 15 years of marriage.( pic. from open society, S&P.net)

– Two boys in a school class. The “pars pro toto” example of logical shortcoming.

The possibility that male sexuality is as good, enriching and versatile as female sexuality, is lacking documentation out there. Why? Imagine a class of 30 boys, where your son is one of them. 28 of the boys in this class are easy to handle and relate to by the teacher, they are nice to fellow students and dutiful when it comes to tasks and homework.

But there are two rather outgoing boys in the class. Those two are disturbing the teaching and create concerns among the parents, and often gives the teacher headache and the school’s principal deep concern. Nor do these boys accept the rules of the school, or tolerate boundaries, and often they harass the girls in the neighboring class.

Eventually the class gets a reputation for being quite problematic to manage. The local newspaper who has a nose for problems in the surrounding district writes an article about it that is less than flattering. Then the other boys who actually make up the majority in the class feel themselves undeservedly rated as negative too.

School class of boys in Western UK, where there is a kilt like tradition of school uniforms, as it is  in som places in Scotland. (illustration photo from Reuters)

– 2 billion 725 million 115 thousand men over 15 years.
How would you react as a mother or father, that your own son is assumed to be difficult and a problem just because he belongs to this class. There are statistics and phenomena like this that I guess affects the whole impression we have had of male sexuality.
 

 

Today, 7 billion 633 million people live on Earth.

 
 
As you read this, the population may have increased by hundreds of thousands, but that’s not the point here. Of these 7 billion, 633 million people like you and me are only 2 billion 725 million one hundred fifteen thousand men over 15 years. Of these men, around 6,5% worldwide are inclined to harass women and rape their sexual objects. These mere counts up to 177 million 132 thousand and 4 hundred and 75 men.
The 2 billion 725 million men distributed all over the world. ( I use Photo by NASA distributed by Stock, to illustrate)
 
 
 
Are there so many rapists?
 
“Oh my God”, “Allah, Allah”, you may think.  Are there so many cruel and dreadful men out there? Nevertheless, there are no more dreadful men in the class of men, than the two boys in your sons class who make trouble for the whole class of decent pupils.
 
 
The 6,5% statistics, is based on a rape term that includes having pressed, persuaded or forced anyone to be touched, masturbate, or being masturbated, having oral sex, sexual intercourse or anal sex. This definition of rape is a bit wider than the US * (Rape in the United States is defined as “Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex body or another person, without the consent of the victim. “
 
 
From a Scandinavian survey:
 
Of 9000 Norwegian respondents in high school, reported approximately 5% of the boys and about. 1% of the girls have committed a sexual assault. (Kjellgren 2009)
 
 
 
 
Enough of this statistics, that never will be able to capture the despair, the fear, the pain and the shame that many rape victims experience for a long time after such an event.
 

Women praised for their sexuality, men condemned for the same, or the matter passed by silence.

flaccid-penis-by-The-anatomy-of-males.

NB: A man’s genitals are mainly outside his body, and may appear more conspicuous and threatening  than it is.

The formerly suppressed female sexuality has gained strong winds in it sails since the 60s and 70s. It has also gained extensive positive reviews. But what about male sexuality? Ally Fogg in The Guardian puts it this way:
  • Is there anything good to be said about male sexuality? That might seem a daft question. Apparently it brings a lot of pleasure and excitement to the lives of men and women alike, it’s inspired some of the greatest art, music and literature through the ages and has played a fairly substantial role in sustaining our species and populating the planet. Nonetheless you’ll need to search very, very hard to find any positive appraisal of male heterosexuality.” (The Guardian 18 July 2011)

 Sexual intimacy including the man’s penetration, by consent. ( copyright. Markiza Nubiles.net)

 

The modern male.

Being a successful man today you must combine and represent both traditional masculine and feminine values. (from Forskning.no)
– Fascination admiration or just recognition for being a sexual active man.
As for the man’s sexuality, there are plenty of those who admire and are fascinated  by  him, in an atmosphere almost like “the Beauty and the Beast”. They seem awestruck by his audacity, endurance, strength and power, without necessarily writing articles or going to the press with it.
 
 
Behind all the skepticism towards men and men’s sexuality in general, there is also a hidden positive respect for him in most women. Not only for his personality and his physical size, – being tall and dark, small and light, thick or thin, black, or white. Also for his apparently frightening penis, it’s both animal and human qualities, and not least it’s signaling of intense virility and strong desire for the partner.
Anatomical drawing of the man’s sexual organ, and the names and concepts of the different parts of it. Check similar mapping of female genitals on:  http://www.selvuniverset.com/2018/01/16/fed-sex-just-way-done/
 
 
 
I do not feel like going to the opposite trap and overestimate, cultivate and adore the masculine sexuality. I have shown examples in previous articles of this happening around the world. (http://www.selvuniverset.com/2016/12/02/he-cant-get-it-up/)
 

Male’s sexuality is as common, boring, exciting, creative and varied as any woman’s.

 
He may be more visual and maybe staring more at what he thinks is attractive than a woman would do. And while she may be perceived as more auditive wanting to be vocally  praised with love statements more than he manage to live up to, – these differences may also be partly cultural.( see also male sexuality in the same-sex love article:Dignity, respect and recognition.)
 
The common mature man, as nice and ordinary sexually as can be.
(Photo: Mature.net)
 
Evolution theorists will probably not agree with this. Here, the man will be perceived as genetic poly gamic while, in an evolutionary perspective, she is perceived as a mono gamic with primary goals to provide a safe home for the children. For him, it is apparent that he is spreading his genes to the greatest number of suitable women he is still scanning with his sharp eye.
 
 
This view is in my opinion obsolete in real life too, primarily here in the West, where changed socioeconomic terms make women more capable of managing themselves. Along with higher education among women and their sexual liberation since the 70’s, late child births, the differences between men and women in the sexual area,  have become increasingly less.
 
 
Nevertheless, the #MeToo campaign shows that inequality in power relations, and major differences in income and influence have been used by older men to gain sexual access to persons they otherwise would have no chance to have intimate relations to. And the conditions for women and war prisoners in war zones are terrible, mainly because of very bad war culture combined with intense stress on the soldiers and the massive use of drugs.
 

The loving, caring and sexy modern man.

But let’s return to the loving man this article is about. A man who loves his partner or wife, and respects her as an equal partner. He listens to her and what she likes. He tries to satisfy her sexually, the way she prefers and appreciates it. She does not need to fake orgasm. He most often knows how to evoke a reaction in her vulva, that ends with orgasmic culmination. If he is a bit clumsy or shy, however, she might help him on the way, like a benevolent eager teacher.
 
If they have children, he is also the loving dad who likes to be with the kids, playing with them, preparing them for kindergarten or school , doing homework with them, reading for them and singing evening prayers with them, if they are Christians.
 
He buys food in the store, tidy up in the house after study or work. He changes diapers on babies, powder their bums, fixes the car or bike when needed, he joins or follows his kids to their football training. He drinks beer with the guys at the pub, and shouts aloud when his football team scores in a football match.
 
Maybe he returns home a bit drunk, and puts himself in bed close to his woman with an erection. If she’s not ready for sex  just then, he respects that, and most probably dozes off  beside her. If not he might get out of bed again, not to disturb her.
 
Perhaps he wants intimacy and sex. But if she is too tired he accepts it. (Illustration from Stock photo)
 
Then perhaps he walks into the living room where no one is,  and venture to curb the urge for sex with a “handjob”, just to get relaxed and ready for sleep. I have to remind female readers that during REM sleep, every 90 minutes, the male get’s an automatic erection even without having a sexual dream. If he is rather pent-up and this reaction is very hard,  it can wake him up, making him restless.
 
 
Exercising his penis is a hobby men enjoy regularly, even if he has a satisfying sexual relation with his woman or partner. Doctors recommend it as healthy, and as long as it is done in private there’s no harm in it. (Photo is an illustration from NTC)
 

Quite normal and easygoing.

Most likely this man and father only walks out to the kitchen and grabs a chicken leg from the fridge, on his way to the bathroom.  Most likely he ends up in bed close to his lady and falls asleep quite happy with life.
 
During the week he often  takes a shower or bathes naked with his children. They feel safe together with their dad. Seeing him naked is no big deal for his children, and his little son understands that as big as his father he will also become when growing up. The girls are also used to daddy’s naked body, and they never feel it as a threat to their own body, rather on the contrary. They have also seen mother naked and know themselves that one day they also will have breasts like her.
 
Happy to be a man.
 
All in all I will say I am glad that I belong to the big class of men in the world today. I am also sometimes proud of myself as a sexual male. I like being a man and I like being inside my body.  I also feel happy for many of the changes in the roles of women and men that have occurred during the last forty years.
 
I am also glad that I can still do typical male  activities together with being a caring father and spouse. Sometimes I am even domestic cooking dinner and washing the dishes. No need to shout “hurray” for that any longer. That s how we men are nowadays!
 
I asked initially what’s wrong with men’s sexuality. What’s wrong with men’s sexuality, is it’s undeserved rumor and understated positive aspects.
 
Modern family life with active and domestic men. (Photo Hublife.com)
 
If you have read this article and have corresponding or other interesting views of men and male sexuality, please  write a comment. If the website’s comment space is difficult to open, tell me on:  janeriwaa@gmail.com, and I will fix it.
 
And I also promise to change my positive attitude regarding male sexuality, if valid Scientific Research shows I am wrong.
 
Thank YOU all!

Perspectives

Why, – on earth?

“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, remembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;..”

 T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets      

Me, you, we, them, – an the overview effect.

I started this website in 2014 with this opening text. “What a magnificent universe we are a part of! What a fantastic earth we live on!  And what amazingly unique brains and nervous systems we humans are in possession of!” And I added the question: “Can our emotions and psychology match this excellence?

  Our neighboring Galaxy, The Andromeda Galaxy.  distance 2 537 000 Light Years from Earth. (Photo by The Hubble telescope, Image Credit & Copyright: Robert Gendler)

Our Psychological Universe with it’s conscious and unconscious layers?

1.

The overview Effect

“A cognitive shift in awareness” linked to “the experience of seeing firsthand the reality that the Earth is in space.” (Frank White)

On top of First Page on Psychological Universe I had this enigmatic Frontpage Photo of the enormous Andromeda Galaxy, the sister Spiral Galaxy to our Milky Way. By this I wanted to remind ourselves of the Cosmic perspective we live within. I wanted to make it easier for us to distance ourselves from the trivial daily issues that catch our attention and imprison us.

Likewise, I wanted to widen the perspective, – get us out of that often too small frame, limiting us inside a somewhat narrow space of selfishness, greed and retaliation. (http://www.selvuniverset.com/2017/02/18/greedy-and-needytotally-selfcenteredisatiable-hunger-for-moneyscrupulousunstoppableneed-to-be-stopped/)

The aim was to make us feel a greater connectedness to each other, and to our life preserving mother earth floating around in that vast and seemingly empty and cold universe.

Photo: NASA, “Earthrise”

Cosmonaut Jurij Gagarin, the very first human being to orbit the earth on April 1961, said when he had landed:

“Circling the Earth in my orbital spaceship, I marveled at the beauty of our planet, People of the world, let us safeguard and enhance this beauty, and not destroy it.”

Yuri Gagarin, the first human to be launched into space. (photo from unknown Russian source)

Hundreds of travellers in space has since then commented on the same view and perspective, that looking down on earth from up there, is a wake-up experience of feeling life on earth as being connected on all areas and levels.

“Man in space” (Copyright LifeScience)

Me, you and the others, – together as a WE.

Becky Ferreira cites space philosopher Frank White who in his Book “The overview Effect” coined this phenomenon in1987. He called itas already quoted: “A cognitive shift in awareness” linked to “the experience of seeing firsthand the reality that the Earth is in space.”

Ferreira writes on “Motherboard”, October 2016: “The Overview Effect is the motivational kick-in-the-butt we need to save humanity from extinction and journey beyond our home world.”   

Space Shuttle astronaut Don L. Lind, commented on the overview effect like this: “There was no intellectual preparation I hadn’t made. But there is no way you can be prepared for the emotional impact. It was a moving enough experience that it brought tears to my eyes.”

  1. Astronauts Don L. Lind (photo spacefacts.de) 2. James Irwing, (photo ozy)

Astronaut John Erwin on Apollo 15 (over), went even further in his sharing of this experience: “That beautiful, warm living object looked so fragile, so delicate, that if you touched it with a finger it would crumble and fall apart, Seeing this has to change a man, has to make a man appreciate the creation of God and the love of God.” (from Ferreira op cit.)      

“Moment and Duration” (Photo: Psychological Universe. http://www.selvuniverset.com/moments-and-duration/

From me to you, and from us to them, and to “a we.”

Most of us are not astronauts or astronauts to be. But with our very advanced brain we may be inspired by these photos, experiences and quotations from space travelers, to imagine and co-experience what these astronauts felt when they were out there.

My motivation for this website has many similarities with the international spaceship programs, – especially the perspective of the astronauts:  On a psychological level to motivate and inspire us to orbit our view of the social and physical life-preserving world around us.

Many young people have since I wrote this text, come to awareness of how important our climate and biodiversity is for life on this beautiful planet. They have been school striking and sitting down all over the world to underscore the necessity of immediate action to preserve our now highly vulnerable earth for the coming generations.

The project of Psychological Universe is so to say “launched” by an urge to move the perspective from ourselves, to the others, and from me to you, even from us to them, – experiencing the connectedness of everything in this world. This was also a conclusion that parts of modern physics anticipated in the late 50’ies and early 60’s!

Physicist Niels Bohr and his quantum mechanics took on a scientific basis distance from the notion of the universe as clearly divided, with distinctions between local and distant, you and me, spirit and matter. (see introductory page Psychological Universe, under heading “Where does Your Self start, and where does it stop?

Likewise: How I was born with you, me, and the others: (http://www.selvuniverset.com/2016/07/26/how-i-was-born-with-you-me-and-the-others/)

And:  “How do I become me?” http://www.selvuniverset.com/2016/07/25/how-do-i-become-me/

Connectedness from the biggest to the smallest parts. Here X Chromosomes. http://www.selvuniverset.com/hva-slags-nettside-er-dette/

2.

Psychological journeys orbiting our home world. ( don’t read it now, take a rest and breathe.)

Ferreira seem to encourage journeys that go beyond our home world. I agree, the precedeing text challenge us to do that. But as  psychologist I highly recommend an astronautical perspective on life on our family’s planet too! Orbiting our home world can be very fruitful.     

By monitoring ourselves as human beings in the world with other beings, we might discover that our differences are more culturally based than basic. We all seem to have the same longings for appreciation, love and acceptance, independent of the culture we live in. (http://www.selvuniverset.com/2016/12/14/true-eyes-love/)

Above all in the above mentioned perspective, we need to question our common view of ourselves and our fellow citizens. It might be a good start to begin with our closest “planetary system”, -our family, asking; “why do I feel, think and do that and that, when we are together?”

Is there a reason for me feeling sad, when we meet? Or what is it that make me so calm, at ease and happy when together with my own family, and not with my wife’s, husband’s or sweetheart’s family? Why do mother prefer my brother, and not me? Has this something to do with me, – who I am, and not the person mother is? Or has this mostly to do with my brother? All such questions might be relevant. Not only world’s climate is relevant! Our family climate is the psychological nourishment our well-being depends on.  Imagine if there were a relation between our capacity to preserve a good environment at home, and a good environment when it comes to climate on earth……………………………………………………………………………………

Psychological Universe urge us to question the origin of our typical feelings towards ourselves and each other. There is much to learn by questioning and exploring the ordinary view of ourselves and others.   (http://www.selvuniverset.com/2017/04/30/caught-in-a-frame/)  A most relevant question following this exploration is: Why do I perceive the world as I do,  and the people within it? Why do I act as I do, and justify my choices in life, as I do, – at least for myself?

And last: Can my view on life, by any chance,-  change, – and for what benefit or price? (http://www.selvuniverset.com/2016/09/23/humans-nature-good-well-treated/) Or am I lost in a fishbowl-like mind-set, with thoughts and acts swimming around like guppies in the same circles, again and again.. ….

HOW TO GET A META PERSPECTIVE ON YOURSELF AND THE WORLD.